


The Last Weep

by MorganasCrow



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Desperation, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 22:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7286395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganasCrow/pseuds/MorganasCrow





	The Last Weep

"Take my hand and go away  
When my heart stops beating  
When I'm cold!"  
\- BreakDown Of Hate (Day Of The Walking Dead)

Morgause came home and dropped her bag to the floor. She hated herself. She had hurt Morgana... hurt her so bad. It was not the intention, not at all. She had just... made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, right? But... some mistakes are okay... you can fix them. Morgause's mistake was a grave one. It didn't hurt her, no. It hurt someone she cared for a lot. Poor Morgana. Morgause damaged her beyond repair.  
She didn't mean to... it just... happened. Morgause unintentionally hurt Morgana, her darling. It was so... she felt powerless and eternally stupid. Morgause joked, like she always did actually. Not today, it happened few months ago. Fuck, why did Morgause have to be so keen of dark humor?  
She learnt today... Mordred, Morgana's old friend from the university told her. Morgause had been telling that stupid black joke about the hanged uncle. And today she leared Morgana's father...her real father, not Gorlois, hung himself in the attic when she was twelve. Morgause felt terrible. Her stormach turned into the huge block of ice chilling her innards.  
She cannot look into Morgana's eyes... not now, when she knows. She came into the kitchen and put the posie she bought on the table. The posie of blood-red poppies. Morgana loved poppies. Morgause hoped Morgana will accept them as the apology. She won't be able to apologize Morgana on her own.  
Morgause walked into the bathroom and opened the cupboard. She searched the stuff in... razorblades, combs, hairgrips... and sleeping pills. Morgause will go to sleep.  
Morgause swallowed the whole package... 15 or 16 pills and started to fill the washing tube with water. She laid down. She will not hurt Morgana... not again.

Morgause threw up. She brought all that goddamn pills up. She was sitting in the water, her head between her knees, coughing and spitting. Fuck. Morgana will come soon... hurt by her... and yet will find her in this disrespectful position.  
No. Morgause won't let this happen. Still coughing, she stood up, her dress soaking wet, and opened the cupboard again. Hidden behind all the cosmetic stuff she found her old friends from the old times.  
Morgause was turning the thin sheet of stainless steel in her fingers. She sat down into the hot water and clenched and unclenched her fist few times. Her veins grew more prominent, altogether with old white marks, which were almost invisible under common conditions. Well, thought Morgause, these won't be white anymore.  
She felt no pain when the tip of the blade broke through her skin. She pressed and watched the dull red blood run from beneath the steel. Her freedom was approaching. She won't hurt Morgana again.  
Her old friend criscrossed the old, known paths, carving a new one... different. Deeper. Morgause was watching the blood pouring over her wrist and forearm. When she reached the elbow, she repeated the same on the other arm.  
Morgause watched the blood run to the water, which was already getting pink touch. It wasn't fast enough... what if Morgana came and... saved her, so she could hurt her again? No, she won't let this happen. She caught the blade firmly and lead two quick, deep, tattered slits over her thighs. She won't hurt Morgana... not ever. With this thought, the only happy thought she felt today, she closed her eyes.

"Little girl, little girl  
Why are you crying?  
Inside your restless soul  
Your heart is dying  
Little one, little one  
Your soul is purging  
Of love and razor blades  
Your blood is surging"  
\- Green Day (Viva La Gloria (Little Girl)


End file.
